It had been an awkward week, busy and not at the same time, she couldn’t understand why momentum was so hard to gain, it seemed like she subconsciously needed someone to hold her hand and guide her through life like a child who is still has a lot to learn and that was hard for her, she had been on this earth for some time now and had done many amazing things, some which only could only be dreamed of by some and yet she had taken these opportunities for granted, she found it hard to understand how people could find this inspirational when most of the people she had known in the past had simply reacted with jealousy at the opportunities she’d had, she was aware that she was very privileged and the reason why she helped other people rather than herself was because she wanted them to have the same.
She felt mean for thinking negative thoughts about other people, her inability to open up to people had rendered her mute, why would anyone be interested in her, they seem far more interested in each other, it made her world a lonely place as she sat with people in rooms whilst they spoke to people all across the world, and get the silence for her was deafening, you are never so lonely than when you are with people, she thought with a sigh. The jealousy of everyone else’s apparent confidence made her confused for she had tried starting conversations but people only wanted to say hello to her and thank her for her chirrup support, she sighed, she used to be good at this communication and indeed at work her skills shone but truthfully just like her dad friends and family were a struggle, another wave of disappointment moved through her. She worried that people weren’t interested in what she had to say and unfortunately the reinforcement of that had come from being ignored whilst she tried to talk to people. One day she hoped she would find her voice and people would listen.